Laurie Hernandez speaks out after Maggie Haney suspension

Less than 24 hours after MG Elite’s Maggie Haney was suspended for eight years by USA Gymnastics, Olympic gold medalist Laurie Hernandez is speaking out against her former coach.

Hernandez posted the below statement to her Instagram on Thursday afternoon, citing this situation and the toll it took on her mental and physical health as the reason her comeback was “so late.”

She was the first of approximately a dozen athletes to report Haney, with her mother going to USA Gymnastics after the Rio Olympics in 2016. The Dancing with the Stars champion testified against Haney in February.

USA Gymnastics ultimately suspended Haney for being verbally and emotionally abusive to her athletes.

The idea of sharing my story with the world feels extremely nerve wrecking and vulnerable… but after hearing positive results last night from the panel, I felt that sharing my story could help others, or at least raise awareness to emotional and verbal abuse.

I’m just gonna dive right in. I had so many experience that lead to multiple panic attacks where I’d just stand in front of the equipment and… cry. Hard. I felt like I couldn’t breathe; and I wanted to go home, but I couldn’t cause I was just a kid. There would be morning that I’d cry as soon as I’d wake up, worried about the yelling and anger that lied ahead for the day. I’d always know when it was coming. I tried to tell this person that their reactions made me uncomfortable and distressed, or that their loaded words hurt, or that that style of coaching didn’t work for me. The response was always along the lines of,

“I’ve never done that.”

“That never happened.”

“You’re making things up.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

“Stop taking things so personally.”

And many, many other excuses, which typically lead to me apologizing for causing her trouble.

For years, I really did question whether or not I was just “dramatic” and “too sensitive”. I questioned if my experience actually happened at all; or if it was all in my head. It’s what I was convinced of, and I thought I was going crazy. She’d sometimes yell so loud people could hear her from the parking lot outside. She’d get other adults to side with her; so if I tried to speak up to them, it was still, always my fault. I’d learned what ever pose and micro-expression meant in the eleven years I was with her. With just a look, I could be in tears.

She’d humiliate me in front of others without a doubt, constantly make comments about me gaining weight, have me work out on multiple injuries, curse at me, point out the way I cried in front of others, and much more that goes beyond my own words.

At some point, of course, I tried telling my parents small versions of what was happening. A phone call would happen between her and my mom, and it seemed like all would be well. That is, until I came into practice the next day, and she’d be furious that someone confronted her. Her anger at my mother’s phone calls became so strong, she’d take it out on me during practice. Then, she’d take it out [on] my teammates. From then on, I stopped sharing what was happening to my parents, and told them constantly that practice was “fine.” I kept my workouts a secret for a while. All of it.

During fall of 2016, I had FaceTime call with one of my teammates, and we joked about something that happened at practice a while before. My mom overheard our conversation and was appalled. She sat me down, and I gave in and told her everything. She wrote it down and immediately sent it to USAG.

This was the biggest reason why my comeback was so late. I though I hated gymnastics, and it wasn’t until mid-2018 I realized that it was the people that made the experience bad, not the sport itself. I moved across the country (NJ-CA) at 18 to try a fresh start. I wanted to unlearn a lot of bad habits, physically, but mostly mentally, that I had picked up as a result of my old experiences. (My mental health journey has been quite a rollercoaster.) Making the 2020 team would be a dream come true, of course, but my first priority from the beginning was my happiness, and that was enough for me.

To have to speak at a hearing four years after, while training for 2020, was a painful surprise to say the least. I wasn’t expecting to speak up about all of it during my comeback. It threw me off guard and quietly affected my life in and outside of the gym.

This kind of behavior and treatment is never okay. There are some things from my experience that will unfortunately stick with me forever, and I’ll always be working to heal from it–but sharing my story gives me a chance to close the chapter, take a deep breath, and start something new.

For years, I was taught not to listen to my body or my mind, but now I’ve learned to trust my gut, and know that my experience and feelings are valid. No one gets to decide those things for me. Now that this weight has been pulled off me, I don’t mind sharing my story.

Laurie Hernandez, @lauriehernandez/Instagram